Ooooh!Dark 30

Sex and War. Put 'em together, you get Marriage.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Tom Cruise needs to Come out of the Closet!

"The first time Stan said that, i thought to myself, 'are they saying what I think they're saying?' When they repeated it, then I had no doubt." ~ M. , the boyfriend.


So my boyfriend tore me away from watching CSI:NY tonight. GOD, am I glad I did that, because I caught one of the funniest (and probably most imporant) episodes of South Park known to man or woman. . . for those of you who missed it, here's a, rundown :

Stan's depressed (meh, he always struck me as more of a mensch than Kyle ever did) over religon, which is understandable. So, he stumbles on the Church of Scientology - - herein lies the genius of this episode and the entire South Park series, Trey and Matt have pulled no punches- - and they tell him --suprise,suprise--he needs help, which they will give...for a price, of course. (just because it's a church doesn't mean it's cheap!)
So, Stan sits for an auditing session. . .and Lo and Behold! It's revealed that Stan Marsh is L.Ron Hubbard (BTW, this link is from the CO$ *T*) re-incarnated. This sends the scientologists into a tizzy, bringing out the head of Scientology and it's celebrity spawn, including , you guessed it- -

He shows up in Stan's room (stalking is simply the logical conlcusion to the couch jumping), and when Stan besmirches his impeccable acting skills - - placing him as not as good as Leo DiCaprio, he disappears into. . .the closet,refusing to come out. which becomes an everlasting source of humor. . ."Tom Cruise won't come out of the closet." He eventually is joined by John Travolta and R. Kelly, who was previously was threatening to 'cap a bitch'.
Meanwhile, Stan is told by the head of the church what the scientologists really believe - - for the initiated, YES, he talks about the DC-8's and the movies and the Thetans. For those who have no clue what this means, the linky takes you there.(After you read it, I will repeat the text on the screen during this part of the episode : this is what scientologists ACTUALLY BELIEVE) Stan's told to write a new chapter and "continue" L.Ron Hubbard's teachings. Stan meekly suggests that because we're a church, maybe we shouldn't pay for this knowlege - - The head loses it, letting slip that maybe all of this isn't true after all, and forces Stan to continue writing. (R. Kelly goes into the closet, but not after the FUNNIEST singing exchange since...I don't know) Finally, the plucky kid can't take it anymore, and at his "coronation", he lets it out - -he's not L.Ron Hubbard reincarnated, and it's all one big charade. In the face of the truth, what do the scientologists do?

Well, what they usually do - - Sue.


And this is what you missed. Part of me wonders if the CO$ will do what it always does- - sue Trey Parker and Matt Stone. . .I mean Messrs. Smith. This is a group that has followed journalists around ( The author of the May 6, 1991 Time Article "The Thriving Cult of Greed and Power" speaks of being intimidated) and it even motivated Mark Ebner of Spy Magazine to
"Dead Agent" himself in the opening paragraph of his article on the group:
I am an ex-drug addict who has solicited prostitutes in my day. I've also masturbated and inhaled at the same time, and I have been arrested more than once in my life. I dropped out of high school, and I've been under psychiatric care. Oh yeah, and I owe the IRS roughly six thousand dollars that they are well aware of.
Most of you kinda were aware of this - -many people believed that something WAS off in the kingdom of 'ol L. Ron. . .but this Episode of South Park was a funny confirmation of a sad truth.

(P.S- - watch the credits! )


(Hat tip to Boing Boing via


  • At 7:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Here is the link for the torrents for episode 912 Trapped in the Closet

    There is a 35meg Real media and a 125meg AVI file.

    Matt and Trey do not mind when fans download their episodes off the Internet; they feel that it’s good when people watch the show no matter how they do it.Note: This is official. Posted on the South Park Studios FAQ August 2003.

    So dont feel guilty about DLing the show, its cool with the two creators.


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